Game 105: So, that happened.

ALL IS DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOM!!

[SBNation]

Yeah. It’s no Armando Galarraga/Alex Avila slap fight though.

It’s pretty easy to sum this one up: Penny was awful, Purcey was awful, and seven runs should be more than enough to win.

I was busy getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist’s so I missed a chunk of the game, including the moment where Purcey was lifted with a 2-0 count. Amazing.

According to Oakland Press writer @matthewbmowery, clubhouse doors were closed for twenty minutes after the game ended. At first I thought maybe they were announcing David Purcey is to be fed to hungry lions at the Detroit Zoo tomorrow morning, but it seems more likely Leyland lit into them for being a bunch of lollygaggers.

Violet! You’re turning violet, Violet!


[This Is A Purple Clint Hurdle]

What a terrible way to lose a game. Lugo was out by a good five feet (another view). Meals claimed McKenry “olé’d” Lugo, and that he didn’t see the tag. As you can see, home plate is behind McKenry and the glove—with the ball—appears to be touching Lugo on the leg, and Meals appears to be looking at it. For his part, Lugo said he thought Meals made the right call, but what else is he going to say? Especially when Meals is the third base umpire the following night? I would not be surprised if a bunch of Pirates get ejected tomorrow.

With all that being said: if the postseason failures of ’09 and the Galarraga “perfect game” last year didn’t prompt them to introduce expanded instant replay, do you really think this is going to push them over the edge? It’s going to take something catastrophic—think Yankees or Red Sox losing a World Series title on a missed call—to cause real change, imo. They seem perfectly content to point to the “human element” until the end of time.

Apologies to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

h/t to rtjr and mattdeem for the links to the images

ETA:

Upon watching the replay, Jerry Meals said he got the call wrong. Good on him. Too bad he couldn’t have gotten it right in realtime.

***

In actual Tigers-related news, Justin Verlander beasted his way to a 5-4 victory, his fourteenth of the season.

In the bottom of the eighth, the White Sox tried to snag victory out of Verlander’s steely, manful grip, but he was all, “Oh hell no!” and then proceeded to make Paul Konerko and Adam Dunn, both of whom had homered off Verlander earlier in the game, wet their pants.

Inning over, threat over, game over.

Beast.

***

The Indians pulled a Detroit Tigers and loaded the bases in the bottom of the ninth with nobody out and failed to score. They ended up losing that game 2-1.

Thanks to the Tigers’ victory, Cleveland is two games out and Chicago is four games out.

***

After getting clobbered by the Rangers something like 1,000,000-5, the Minnesota Twins stole victory from the jaws of defeat and withstood Joe Nathan putting two men on in the bottom of the ninth to win 9-8. Neftali Feliz blew his fifth save of the season and took the loss. The normally reliable C.J. Wilson was struggly, giving up six runs (five earned) in four innings of work, with seven hits, three strikeouts and four walks allowed.

Twins’ relief pitcher Michael Cuddyer had a nice night at the plate, going 2-for-5 with a stolen base and an RBI.

Minnesota is now seven games out of first.

Obviously this is now their division to win.

***

People are becoming increasingly less able to detect sarcasm over the Internets.

HOW TO SURVIVE THE DETROIT TIGERS’ ANNUAL SECOND HALF COLLAPSAPOCALYPSE

  1. Get on Twitter.
  2. Tweet at everyone and their mother (including OFFICIAL_TIGERS) about what an embarrassment the team is.
  3. Lash out and attack the fans who aren’t panicking yet.
  4. Propose ridiculous trades that will bring back little to no value just for the sake of making a ridiculous trade.
  5. Stock up on liquids and toilet paper.
  6. Kill your neighbor and steal his valuables.
  7. Call in to the sports and talk radio stations to rant and rave.
  8. Vow to stop watching the Tigers.
  9. Give up on said vow to not watch the Tigers because you can’t stay away. Liken this to an abusive relationship in which you’re the battered woman even though that analogy sucks balls and is offensive to people in actual abusive relationships.
  10. Make yourself feel better about the team being hilariously inconsistent in a mediocre division by claiming “they’re the worst team in the division,” “they don’t care anymore,” “Cleveland wants the division more,” “Cabrerra must be drunk again,” etc. etc. until sane Tigers fans block you out (and/or block you on Twitter).
  11. Conveniently forget that these so-called legendary second half collapses are most likely due to fluke or happenstance and/or occurred because various things went wrong at the worst possible time.
  12. Also conveniently forget the Tigers had their best winning percentage of ’09 in August, September, and October while the Twins reeled off a crazy 17-4 run. The month that killed them was a subpar July. But never mind that, THEY HAD A LEAD, THEY LOST IT, HENCE COLLAPSE!!!!!!

Now that that’s out of my system: IT’S BEEN TWO FRIGGIN GAMES. CALM YOUR COLLECTIVE TITS, TIGERS FANDOM, JESUS CHRIST. I’m half tempted to post screencaps of the most ridiculous Tigers-related tweets I’ve ever seen.

No it’s not a great time to struggle, especially not when the majority of fans pretty much expect failure in the second half now, but seriously. IT’S ONLY BEEN TWO GAMES. THE SKY IS NOT FALLING, THE SEASON IS NOT OVER, WE ARE STILL IN THIS.

For all you people freaking out and losing your shit over a two game losing streak out of the All-Star Break: DID YOU EVEN EXIST IN 2003??? TRY NINE GAME AND EIGHT GAME LOSING STREAKS BROKEN UP BY ONE PIDDLY WIN.

I feel better now.

It’s 1:00 AM. Must be time to bitch about Phil Coke.

Don’t bother reading this. It’s honestly nothing more than me ranting like a crazyperson. I just needed to vomit this out.

Continue reading

Game 62: RAGE REDUX!

Leadoff triple stranded.

Check.

Leadoff double stranded.

Check.

Good friggin’ job, guys. You should be proud of yourselves. Tonight, they’re 0-for-7 with runners in scoring position.

At least that extra base hit streak is still alive, amirite?

* * *

Oh hey, the Mariners had a runner in scoring position and he just scored. Will you look at that!

* * *

This feels like one of those games the Tigers of April/May would not be able to come back to win.

I don’t think I’ve quite gotten out of that “DOOM DOOM DOOM!” mindset, and maybe for good reason, from the looks of this game.

* * *

ALEX AVILA SHOULD BE AN ALL STAR.

If they strand him at third, they are going to die.

* * *

Don Kelly didn’t want to die, so he singled in Avila. Tigers take the lead, and I am astonished we are no longer losing.

* * *

BOESCH TOOK FISTER DEEP TO RIGHT.

Let’s see how many innuendo-laden comments I can make about Doug Fister now.

Panic time, panic time, excellent, excellent.

Except, you know, not. Because we’re only four games into the new season and there’s no need to press the panic button just yet. Sure, there’s reason for concern but it’s a long season.

Why should we be concerned, though?

– THE PITCHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THIS TEAM AND THEY’VE BEEN GODAWFUL.
– THE OFFENSE IS GODAWFUL.
– THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS ARE IN FIRST PLACE.

Why shouldn’t we be concerned?

It’s April 6th. (Also, the Playing the Right Way™ Minnesota Twins are only 2-3. So, you know. Calm yo tits.)

In other, non-ranty news, I will be at Opening Day. Look for pictures and possibly video sometime soon.

Also I was going to go all FJM on that TJ Simers “piece” on Marcus Thames, but my brain started hurting at the stupidity and I gave up.

This might be the most annoying post ever and I’m not sorry.

FOR THE ONE MILLIONTH TIME, THE TIGERS ARE NOT HAVING A FIRESALE. THE TIGERS ARE NOT FUCKING ‘PENNILESS’. ALL THOSE BAD CONTRACTS PEOPLE ARE WANKING OVER? THEY COME OFF THE BOOKS AFTER ’10.

ALSO? THIS IS MIKE FUCKING ILITCH, PEOPLE. RECOGNIZE. IF HE DIDN’T CUT MAGGLIO ORDOÑEZ, WHO DIDN’T START HITTING UNTIL THERE WERE BASICALLY TWO MONTHS TO GO IN THE SEASON AND WHO KICKED IN AN $18 MIL. VESTING OPTION BECAUSE THE TIGERS KEPT PLAYING HIM DESPITE KNOWING THAT IF THEY KEPT PLAYING HIM THEY’D HAVE TO PAY HIM $18 MIL. FOR 2010, AND DIDN’T CUT CARLOS GUILLÉN, WHO WAS BASICALLY INJURED AND USELESS FOR MOST OF THE SEASON, AND ACTUALLY ADDED CONTRACTS (WASHBURN AND HUFF) AT THE DEADLINE RATHER THAN HAVING A FIRESALE LIKE MANY PREDICTED, FOR EXAMPLE, HE IS NOT GOING TO START NOW.

FINANCES DON’T SCARE MIKE ILITCH, MIKE ILITCH SCARES FINANCES. OKAY?

ALSO, WHITE SOX, WE ARE NOT TRADING YOU CURTIS GRANDERSON STRAIGHT UP. I UNDERSTAND HE’S A SOUTHSIDE NATIVE, WHITE SOX FANS. I UNDERSTAND YOU THINK IT’S A CRIME HE ENDED UP IN DETROIT. BUT SORRY, YOU’RE NOT GETTING HIM UNLESS IT’S A THREE-TEAM DEAL INVOLVING A NON-AL CENTRAL TEAM. AND WE GET ALEXEI RAMIREZ. JUST DEAL WITH IT.

ALSO IF MILTON BRADLEY IS ANYWHERE NEAR A POTENTIAL GRANDERSON-TO-THE-CUBS TRADE, I WILL JUMP OFF THE GODDAMN AMBASSADOR BRIDGE. JUST SAYIN’.