catswithbats and family take over Comerica Park, harass Don Kelly and Victor Martinez to great effect.

HERE’S A HANDY LIST OF ALL THE AWESOMENESS OF LAST NIGHT IN BULLET POINT FORM:

-ON FIELD BATTING PRACTICE

-GETTING DIRT FROM THE FOUL AREA BEHIND HOME PLATE IN MY SANDALS

-STANDING LESS THAN FIVE FEET AWAY FROM MIGUEL CABRERA

-INTIMIDATING BIG BURLY BALLPLAYERS WITH MY REALLY LONG CAMERA LENS

-STALKING THE TEXAS RANGERS

-WONDERING IF JOSH HAMILTON’S CURTAIN MATCHES HIS VALANCE

-GETTING DON KELLY TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH A SIGN I MADE

-GETTING VICTOR MARTINEZ TO SIGN MY VICTOR MARTINEZ JERSEY

-OH YEAH THERE WAS A GAME TOO, WELL THAT WAS PRETTY SWEET

-DOUG FISTER WENT AT LEAST SEVEN INNINGS AND DIDN’T STRIKE OUT OR WALK A SINGLE BATTER

-THE LAST TIGERS PITCHER TO DO THAT WAS JUSTIN VERLANDER IN MAY OF 2006 (VS. JOHAN SANTANA)

I put up a handful of pictures here. I’ll work on importing and uploading the other … 500 pictures, haha.

If you want to use the pictures for anything, like wallpaper or whatever, drop me a comment just so I know where they’re ending up. I probably won’t say no. Unless you’re planning on selling them.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MY DOUG FISTER TAG.

Links roundup for 7/27/2011:

One mistake costs Scherzer, Tigers. And a whole lot of faily at bats with runners in scoring position, looks like.

Juan Pierre looks up to Darryl Cousins for mercy and finds none. Darryl Cousins is a cruel tormentor of men’s souls, and also his strikezone is inconsistent, at best.

Ryan Raburn, month-by-month. The fact that people are so desperate to get him off the team at the deadline and for next to nothing simply because they want him gone amazes me. Can we just not play him in May? That seems doable. Or maybe we could revisit my Raburn/Boesch Frankenstein’s monster idea.

Dave Dombrowski looks like a bumblebee. Oh yeah, something about Ilitch’s desire for a championship yadda yadda bork LOOK AT DAVE DOMBROWSKI’S SHIRTS!!! THE STRIPES!!!!

ALL IS DOOM! ALL IS DOOM! Alburquerque unavailable, to be checked out Thursday. ;____; If those people crowing “Alberto Zumaya!!!” would kindly shut up now, that would be nice.

Everyone’s favorite whipping boy had a big night in Toledo, feasting on AAA pitching. I’m surprised there weren’t unironic calls to #freebrandoninge after that game.

Get the latest news on trade deadline rumors and deals. Oh, hey, Edwin Jackson is on his seventh team in … five years, is it?

Detroit Tigers rumors over yonder at MLBTR. Hopefully this Tigers-related radio silence means DD has something big up his sleeve?

Why You Should Stop Trusting Twitter. Hilarious and alarming.

Zubazpalooza is coming to Comerica Park on Sunday! What is Zubazpalooza? Well, you get a ticket to a pre-game party and … these pants. Yeah, I have no idea what the heck this is. Who would wear these pants, besides a rapper from the ’90s?

Also, in case you didn’t notice, CatsWithBats has a new header and blog title! :D

***

The MudHens’ game is still going on just went final while I was typing this up, but Andy Oliver turned in 7.1 innings of decent ball. He held the Norfolk Tides to three runs on three hits, with seven strikeouts and three walks. It’ll be interesting to see if any scouts were there specifically to watch Oliver and what they thought about his performance.

After Oliver was pulled, Lester Oliveros came in and promptly blew the lead. Norfolk wins 5-4.

***

Tigers lost a close one 2-1 to the White Sox. I didn’t see it as I slept through most of the game, save the first minute or so. Sounds like they were overswinging, perhaps to overcompensate for the fact they haven’t been hitting for much power in this series? Whatever the case, Leyland sounded miffed.

Also, they wasted an Austin Jackson homerun, for Paws’ sake. How often do those come around? You have to capitalize on those!

***

ETA:

I can’t believe I forgot to mention that Cleveland got no hit by Ervin Santana! I believe this was the first no hitter ever at the Jake.

Cleveland actually was winning that game until the fifth inning too, thanks to an Erick Aybar error and a wild pitch.

It was Anaheim’s first complete game no hitter since Mike Witt threw a perfect game in 1984 (Mark Langston and Mike Witt tossed a combined no hitter in 1990). It was the first no hitter that wasn’t a shut out since Darryl Kile’s 7-1 no hitter in 1993.

HOW TO SURVIVE THE DETROIT TIGERS’ ANNUAL SECOND HALF COLLAPSAPOCALYPSE

1. Get on Twitter.
   
2. Tweet at everyone and their mother (including OFFICIAL_TIGERS) about what an embarrassment the team is.
   
3. Lash out and attack the fans who aren’t panicking yet.
   
4. Propose ridiculous trades that will bring back little to no value just for the sake of making a ridiculous trade.
   
5. Stock up on liquids and toilet paper.
   
6. Kill your neighbor and steal his valuables.
   
7. Call in to the sports and talk radio stations to rant and rave.
   
8. Vow to stop watching the Tigers.
   
9. Give up on said vow to not watch the Tigers because you can’t stay away. Liken this to an abusive relationship in which you’re the battered woman even though that analogy sucks balls and is offensive to people in actual abusive relationships.
   
10. Make yourself feel better about the team being hilariously inconsistent in a mediocre division by claiming “they’re the worst team in the division,” “they don’t care anymore,” “Cleveland wants the division more,” “Cabrerra must be drunk again,” etc. etc. until sane Tigers fans block you out (and/or block you on Twitter).
    
11. Conveniently forget that these so-called legendary second half collapses are most likely due to fluke or happenstance and/or occurred because various things went wrong at the worst possible time.
    
12. Also conveniently forget the Tigers had their best winning percentage of ’09 in August, September, and October while the Twins reeled off a crazy 17-4 run. The month that killed them was a subpar July. But never mind that, THEY HAD A LEAD, THEY LOST IT, HENCE COLLAPSE!!!!!!

Now that that’s out of my system: IT’S BEEN TWO FRIGGIN GAMES. CALM YOUR COLLECTIVE TITS, TIGERS FANDOM, JESUS CHRIST. I’m half tempted to post screencaps of the most ridiculous Tigers-related tweets I’ve ever seen.

No it’s not a great time to struggle, especially not when the majority of fans pretty much expect failure in the second half now, but seriously. IT’S ONLY BEEN TWO GAMES. THE SKY IS NOT FALLING, THE SEASON IS NOT OVER, WE ARE STILL IN THIS.

For all you people freaking out and losing your shit over a two game losing streak out of the All-Star Break: DID YOU EVEN EXIST IN 2003??? TRY NINE GAME AND EIGHT GAME LOSING STREAKS BROKEN UP BY ONE PIDDLY WIN.

I feel better now.

Justin Verlander is a god amongst mere mortals, Tip a Tiger, and OLIVEROSWTFBBQ

Justin Verlander ~*~*labored*~*~ through seven innings– and still managed to nab a quality start and a victory. He’s now 11-3, with a stellar 2.32 ERA and a miniscule 0.86 WHIP. What’s left to say about Verlander that hasn’t already been said? I’d say he’s a god amongst mere mortals, but I said that about him after his last start.

The Tigers took part in the Tip a Tiger event at CJ Mahoney’s Sports Grille in Troy tonight. Alex Avila, Kristina Avila, Phil Coke, Bobbie Brough (Coke’s fiancée), and Brennan Boesch were all celebrity waitstaff, apparently.

I am ANGAR I didn’t find out about this until 10:30 pm. Until next year, Tip a Tiger. Until next year.

OLIVEROSWTFBBQ! Lester Oliveros is being recalled from Toledo and Chance Ruffin is being recalled from Erie to take his place on the AAA team. No word on the Tigers’ corresponding move, but there’s speculation that someone will be going on the DL. It’s possible a trade is in the works or someone is being swapped out for Oliveros, but that doesn’t seem very likely at this point. Spit it out, Internets! Check out Tigers Amateur Analysis and Bless You Boys for up-to-date news.

ETA

Looks like Al Alburquerque is indeed going on the DL with elbow inflammation. (h/t Jon Morosi)

**

I have some more to say about the Phil Coke in the Starting Rotation Experiment, but I’ll save that for later.

Game 78: ONE RUN OFF JOE SAUNDERS.

THIS IS NIGH UNACCEPTABLE, TIGERS. IT IS JOE SAUNDERS. JOE SAUNDERS.

It’s 1:00 AM. Must be time to bitch about Phil Coke.

Don’t bother reading this. It’s honestly nothing more than me ranting like a crazyperson. I just needed to vomit this out.

Game 62: RAGE REDUX!

Leadoff triple stranded.

Check.

Leadoff double stranded.

Check.

Good friggin’ job, guys. You should be proud of yourselves. Tonight, they’re 0-for-7 with runners in scoring position.

At least that extra base hit streak is still alive, amirite?

* * *

Oh hey, the Mariners had a runner in scoring position and he just scored. Will you look at that!

* * *

This feels like one of those games the Tigers of April/May would not be able to come back to win.

I don’t think I’ve quite gotten out of that “DOOM DOOM DOOM!” mindset, and maybe for good reason, from the looks of this game.

* * *

ALEX AVILA SHOULD BE AN ALL STAR.

If they strand him at third, they are going to die.

* * *

Don Kelly didn’t want to die, so he singled in Avila. Tigers take the lead, and I am astonished we are no longer losing.

* * *

BOESCH TOOK FISTER DEEP TO RIGHT.

Let’s see how many innuendo-laden comments I can make about Doug Fister now.

Game 61: RABBLE RABBLE MOVE COKE TO ‘PEN RABBLE

Everything sucked tonight. Defense, offense (minus a Don Kelly (???!!!) homerun), pitching. All of it. It sucked.

Now I’m going to complain about the people complaining about Phil Coke being in the rotation.

I apologize for this post not being funny and/or abusrd.

Game 58: INCEPTION

Apparently Ryan Raburn hit a grand slam. I didn’t see it, so I don’t yet know if it exists or was merely a part of my dream.

I’ve been told I should update more.

So, I will. Think of this as a rage blog.

Tigers do something stupid, like fail to score with the bases loaded and nobody out? RAGE!

Leyland leave his pitcher in too long? RAGE!

Leyland pull his pitcher too soon? RAGE!

RAGE FOR EVERYBODY!