20 Questions With Not Ryan Raburn

Cats With Bats is excite to present an exclusive interview with our good friend, Not Ryan Raburn!

20 Questions With Not Ryan Raburn

What are your goals this season?

TO PUT MY PANTS ON BEFORE I PUT ON MY SHOES. OH DID YOU MEAN BASEBALL GOALS? WELL, I’VE LABELED EVERY MONTH IN MY CALENDAR “AUGUST,” SO THAT’S A START!

How many positional gloves do you own?

I HAVE ONE GLOVE FOR EACH POSITION. IM HOPING TO PULL A DON KELLY AND PITCH THIS YEAR!!

Do you think you’d be a better pitcher than Don Kelly?

ABSOLUTELY! I GOT A HOWITZER UNLIKE THAT LIMP NOODLE KELLY CALLS AN ARM!

Your thoughts on Brandon Inge.

DO I HAVE TO?

Yes.

OKAY. WELL, HE’S AN ALRIGHT GUY WHEN HE’S NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR SPOT ON THE TEAM.

Why do you think you struggle so much in the first half?

IM SECRETLY LATIN AND I JUST HEAT UP WHEN THE WEATHER DOES? HONESTLY, I DONT HAVE A CLUE. IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS, FEEL FREE TO SHARE EM.

Do you have a favorite teammate? If so, who?

CLETE THOMAS IS ALRIGHT. ITS NICE HAVING SOMEONE WHITE-TRASHIER THAN ME ON THE TEAM.

When you accidentally knock a fly ball off your glove over the fence for a home run, do you get angry or laugh about it?

I LAUGH CUZ WHAT ELSE CAN YA DO? :)

Does the fact that it was against the Mariners make it even more shameful in your mind?

NAW. EVEN A BLIND SQUIRREL FINDS A NUT, OR WHATEVER THAT SAYING IS.

Which AL Central foe do you think will be your toughest challenger this year in your defense of the division title?

WELL PROBABLY NOT THE WHITE SOX CUZ NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE HECK THEYRE DOING, ESPECIALLY NOT KENNY WILLIAMS, AND PROBABLY NOT THE TWINS CUZ THEIR PITCHING STILL KINDA SUCKS AND MOST OF THEIR GOOD HITTERS LEFT AND THE ONES THAT ARE STILL THERE ARE WALKING CORPSES. AND I GUESS NOT THE INDIANS EITHER, CUZ THEYRE STILL THE INDIANS, PLUS GRADY SIZEMORE DIED AGAIN, THEY SOLD THEIR FARM FOR UBALDO, AND THEYRE STARTING DEREK LOWE FOR PETES SAKE. I MEAN, COME ON, CASEY KOTCHMAN WAS THEIR BIG OFFENSIVE ADDITION THIS YEAR.

SO I GUESS ILL SAY THE ROYALS CUZ BRUCE CHEN ALWAYS KILLS US FOR SOME REASON, AND HIS TWITTER IS PRETTY FUNNY. AND IM AFRAID OF ERIC HOSMER. HE LOOKS LIKE A CRAZED AMISH GUY. ALSO HIS EYEBROWS CREEP ME OUT.

Why are you yelling at me?

IM NOT YELLING THIS IS MY INSIDE VOICE.

Okay, moving on. If you met a genie and were given three wishes, what would you wish for? Wishing for more wishes is not an acceptable answer.

1.) WORLD PEACE
2.) THE WORLDS BIGGEST HAM N CHEESE SUB SANDWICH
3.) A SPONGE BATH FROM KATE UPTON

She’s only 19, dude.

WAIT SHES ONLY 19? NEVER MIND.

3.) A SOUPED UP TRACTOR

How do you respond to fans who criticize your defensive skills?

YOU TRY IT SOMETIME! ITS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS. PLUS I JUST GO WHERE THEY TELL ME TO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING OUT THERE MOST OF THE TIME.

What’s your favorite road city to visit and play in?

SEATTLE IS PRETTY COOL! ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIKE RAIN AND COFFEE.

Has Justin Verlander ever set your foot on fire?

HE WILL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST.

What was your reaction when you learned that Victor Martinez would be out for the season?

DOES BURSTING INTO TEARS COUNT AS A REACTION?

What was your reaction when you learned that the Tigers had signed Prince Fielder?

DOES BURSTING INTO TEARS COUNT AS A REACTION?

What’s it like playing for Jim Leyland?

HES SUPER INTIMIDATING! HE REMINDS ME OF MY GRANDPA IF HE WAS A GRUMPIER, BASEBALL GRANDPA!

What is your favorite baseball memory?

HITTING THAT GAME WINNING HOMERUN IN SAN FRANCISCO IN 2008 AND THEN HANK SCHULMEN WHINING ABOUT IT!

Do you still talk to Dontrelle Willis? Has he ever hit you with an errant pitch?

NOT REALLY, I TRIED TO FOLLOW HIM ON THE TWITTERS BUT HIS ERRANT HASHTAGS AND OVERUSE OF “FLOCKA” WEIRDED ME OUT. AND YES, IN SPRING ONE YEAR HE WAS THROWING LIVE BATTING PRACTICE AND HE HIT ME IN THE FACE. I WAS SITTING IN THE DUGOUT.

How would you rate the Tigers’ chances of going deep into the playoffs this year?

PRETTY DANG GOOD.

Lastly, why do you like Hicktown so much?

IT SPEAKS TO SOMETHING DEEP IN MY SOUL. ALSO I DONT KNOW ANY OTHER SONGS.

We at Cats With Bats (and by we I mean me, Alex) would like to thank a Special Friend for helping out with this interview. Also, thanks to Raijen Reibørn for being a good sport. Check him out at NotRyanRaburn and stay tuned for future Q & As at Cats With Bats.

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