It’s 1:00 AM. Must be time to bitch about Phil Coke.

Don’t bother reading this. It’s honestly nothing more than me ranting like a crazyperson. I just needed to vomit this out.

Anyone but Phil Coke has bad start it’s, “Oh, he’ll be fine, just go out and get ’em in five days.” Phil Coke has a bad start, it’s “MOVE HIM BACK TO THE ‘PEN WHERE HE BELONGS!” or “TRADE HIM FOR JOSÉ REYES OR MATT KEMP!” For Paws’ sake, people. Phil Coke must have the shortest leash with Tigers fans than any other player, besides maybe Magglio or Inge.

COKE IS STILL MORE VALUABLE TO THE TIGERS PITCHING OUT OF THE ROTATION THAN HE IS PITCHING OUT OF THE ‘PEN. A STARTER IS MORE VALUABLE THAN A RELIEVER. YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE, SORRY.

Tigers fans seriously expect way too much from their frigging fifth starters. A 3.95 ERA out of your fifth starter is apparently unacceptable! Never mind that he’s pitching better than his numbers indicate (namely (but not limited to) W/L record).

But apparently that’s all luck because he doesn’t give up homeruns. He didn’t give up homeruns last year either, when he was pitching out of the FRIGGING BULLPEN, WHERE ALL YOU PEOPLE WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO. SO WHY IS HE LUCKY NOW WHEN HE WASN’T LUCKY LAST YEAR? OR ARE YOU SAYING HE WAS LUCKY LAST YEAR TOO BUT SOMEHOW BEING LUCKY PITCHING OUT OF THE ROTATION IS MEANS HE’S BAD, WHILE BEING LUCKY PITCHING OUT OF THE BULLPEN IS GOOD?

Phil Coke is NOT worse than Brad frigging Penny. Penny has turned into a groundball pitcher but he still gives up homeruns. Coke gets about an equal amount of ground balls and fly balls but– GASP!– manages to keep the ball in the park! BUT IT’S ALL LUCK! IT’S SMOKE AND MIRRORS! PHIL COKE IS GARBAGE BECAUSE HE … DOESN’T GIVE UP HOMERUNS.

YES IT WOULD BE NICE IF HIS K:BB RATIO WAS PRETTIER. IT WOULD ALSO BE NICE TO OWN A ROLEX BUT I CAN’T HAVE EVERYTHING I WANT, AND SOMETIMES NEITHER CAN YOU.

HEY, NEWSFLASH, PHIL COKE HASN’T BEEN A HORRIBLE STARTER. SORRY TO DASH YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS WITH STATS, HATERS.

YES HE WAS BAD TONIGHT. HE ISSUED A CAREER HIGH SEVEN GODDAMN WALKS. BUT HE HAS BEEN SOLID AS A STARTER SO DON’T GIVE ME ANY OF THIS “THE PHIL COKE EXPERIMENT HAS BEEN UTTER FAILURE” BULLSHIT. WHEN HE STARTS GIVING UP HOMERUNS LEFT AND RIGHT BECAUSE HE’S FALLEN OUT OF FAVOR WITH THE BASEBALL GODS AND THE REGRESSION MONSTER IS CHOMPING AWAY AT HIS LEG, MAYBE I’LL START THINKING ABOUT CHANGING MY MIND ON HIM.

UNTIL THEN I AM FIRMLY IN THE “PHIL COKE HAS BEEN SLIGHTLY ABOVE AVERAGE, IF NOT OUTRIGHT SOLID, AS A STARTER.”

FRIGGIN BITE ME.

Okay my head is about to split open.

3 thoughts on “It’s 1:00 AM. Must be time to bitch about Phil Coke.

  1. I have said this many times before but if you haven’t heard it, here it is: MOST baseball fans and MEDIA suck, And their baseball intellect wouldn’t generate enough to power a 25 Watt light bulb.

    On a happier note, do you know of this MLB Report place? Fans (hopefully the ones that are not dumb) can submit pictures of their favorite guys. Here is a set of the Tigers Bullpen

    • I didn’t know of that place! Thanks for the link. :D

      Haha, I think you’re right. People look at the W/L record and think, “This guy sucks,” or cherry-pick certain stats to prove their point, rather than looking at the whole. It’s annoying, but whatever.

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